death

A few day's ago it was the 19th September and what would have been my friend Miemie's 18th birthday if she were still alive. Made me begin to ponder on death a bit more than the everyday situation. This year has been a weird one regarding death, having had 3 people I've known die, 2 of which I've known my entire life, and 2 of which were unexpected as. One of those being Miemie.

Anyway, my friends Grandfather died last week, and it just made me think about death even more. Why so many deaths this year? It's hard to get my head around.

Anywho, all this thinking about death reminded me of this song.. and my Grandad who passed away a few years ago. He also would have had his birthday this month :( I miss youuuu.

I remember the times we spent together

on those drives

We had a million questions

all about our lives

and when we got to New York

everything felt right

I wish you were here with me

tonight

I remember the days we spent together

were not enough

and it used to feel like dreamin'

except we always woke up

Never thought not having you

here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up

And every night I miss you

I can just look up

and know the stars are

holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight

And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait

I remember the car you were last seen in

and the games we would play

All the times we spilled our coffees

and stayed out way too late

I remember the time you told me about your Jesus

and how not to look back even if no one believes us

When it hurt so bad sometimes

not having you here...

Tonight - FM Static

Computers hate me

Computers; I don't know what I ever did to them, but they just don't like me. I'm going to tell you a little story.. or 3.

When I first started my job, I got given this computer right. Brand spanking new. And it's one of the widest screens I have ever seen. Anywho, about 2 month's after I had been there, it crashed on me. The PC geek in our office tried to fix it, and failed. So my boss rang up dell to sort stuff out. She was on the phone with them for about 3 hours, and eventually got it working again, but had to reset it, which meant everything I had saved on there was deleted. Everything I had downloaded was gone. All my work from the moment I had been there... vanished! It was pretty much back to scratch. Silly computer. From then on, I had to save everything on our network server instead. So I did that. A few months later, it crashed on me again. Ughhh. Apparently it has a faulty harddrive. Also, when it does the updates that PC's do every month or whatever, it takes about a whole day to update. Ughhh. So had to uninstall any updates that were to automatically happen.

Now over to our mac at home. I was once using it, and BAM... Black Screen. I thought it was a powercut, but no... Little Mac decided he didn't want to work anymore. Silly thing. About a week later, Double BAM.. It starts up again. Aye???

Now to my laptop.. I am currently wanting to throw it at the wall. Everytime my computer goes to sleep, and I awaken it, I need to restart it because everything become unresponsive. Ugh. And it never does the things that I want it to do. It hates me.

Back to my work computer.. I turned it on yesterday and there is this bright yellow line right down the left of the screen. I thought it would go away, but no.. it's still there. Lame..Lame..Lame. I don't know what it is, but it's annoying me. And getting in the way of my work.

So.. I have concluded that...
Computers hate me! Grrr.

Canadians

I haven't even moved off to Capernwray yet, but have about 18 friends on facebook that are also going next year, and I've been talking to a few of them.
Makes me laugh. One girl wrote to me and was talking about Bunnyhugs. Having no idea what she was on about, I asked her. She wrote back and told me they're hoodies. Then she asked, "Well, why do you always put 'as' at the end of sentences?" hehe made me laugh so bad. NZ Slang, and I didn't even realise I had been doing it.
Another girl was laughing at the way I spelt 'favourite' and 'colour'.
Apparently, they don't call Kiwifruit, Kiwifruit either. Theyre just Kiwi's. Silly silly silly. hehe
We haven't even met, but language is already confusing us. Poor me being stuck with 60 od Canadians next year. It's going to be such a joy ride, and I cannot cannot CANNOT wait :)

10 things I've done today that I've never done before

1. Washed my car. I've washed many cars in my lifetime, just not my own. The poor things only been washed once since I've had it (that being a year and a half), and it was done by some little kids at my old primary school. I paid them to do it for some fundraiser thing they were doing to go to Samoa on a missions trip hehe :)

2. Drove my car in wellingtons. Note I said wellingtons, not Wellington! As in gumboots not the place.

3. Walked from one end of the house to the other in just a bra and undies. (Can't believe I just admitted that to the world, but hey!) I was home alone and I live in the country so no biggie hehe or is it? Anyway, couldn't be bothered putting on clothes when I was going to get some from the other end of the house. Brilliant.

4. Ran around the house. YUP, never done that before (well not that I recall anyway). I've ran around all the other houses we've lived in though many many times (the whole 3 of them). Oh, and not quite sure why I ran around it, but I did. And got sore feet from it.. Lots of stones.

5. Cleansed, toned, and moisturised twice. I know what you're thinking 'What girl doesn't?' hehe. But normally it consists of cleansing twice and moisturising once and toning not at all.

6. Laughed for no reason.. Kay, that was a lie, I do this everyday, many times. hehehehe. Seeing as that didn't count, I shall say I made 4 cakes all at once. Never done that before. I also dropped an egg on the floor in the process of making these cakes. I've never dropped an egg either hehehe.

7. Went onto my work emails from home. Magically did it through gmail. You should email me, melanie@drd.co.nz haha. Somehow I managed to miss being at work today???? weird.

8. Listened to All I Ever Wanted by Kelly Clarkson. According to my iTunes, I've never listened to it :)

9. Dyed my mums hair ..outside! I've dyed it countless times before but normally in the garage or the bathroom or something. Outside was a whole new adventure, and better to. Less stinky.

10. Drove into town just to give my sister her iPod then drove all the way home again. I know this is a lame one, but I couldn't think of anything else, and honestly, never done that before hehe.

opposite sex friendships

I've been trying to gather my thoughts on this for like the last 48 hours.. And here we are, not that I would really call them gathered, but hey!

Opposite sex friendships - I've always made a huge deal out of this since I've been about 15. In 2007, it would have been the biggest trend in my thoughts. Always been aware of what I told guys ie not having an emotional attachment to them. Made sure I never put myself in circumstances when I'm with a guy alone. The list goes on. Some would've said I became obsessed in the way that I did things. But I don't think so. Looking back over this year though, my standards seemed to have slowly dropped.

Trying to put it back into perspective now is a little difficult. Having to re-evaluate (love this word) many of the friendships I have with guys. Can still say though, that I never hang out with a guy alone, and I tend in aiming to keep it that way - until I have my life partner to share that with.

Would you want to date somebody knowing that he or she had a significant, pre-existing, and ongoing emotional bond with another single member of the opposite sex? My answer would be a no, and a very easy no at that. So, that's that. It's not fair on me to expect my future husband to be sweet with me having an emotional bond with another single male.

Where to draw the line though? One extreme to the other. I think opp-sex friendship should be more than just "Hi, how was your day?" "Good, yours?" "Fine thanks" type thing. That's so surface. But then pouring your whole heart out to somebody of the opp sex is wrong. Somewhere in the middle would be where I aim to be settled, and hopefully quite comfortable with that.

Having had viewed an extremely close friendship between two members of the opposite sex, it looked to be more than just friendship, regardless of what they said. Actions speak louder than words. Hanging alone seems seriously inappropriate to me, even more so than sharing emotions. However, I think my logic is a bit whack. Both is probably just as harmful as the other. In my opinion, that kind of intimacy should be meant for marriage. Looking from the outside of the friendship I watched though, I began to wonder. Was there more going on than they made out to be. They were certainly keeping it public. Did it begin from romantic feelings? Who knows. The actions they showed each other though suggested that they enjoyed spending time together and interacting in a way that sort of suggested marriage.

Having boundaries though? In where you both agree to be friends, and friends only but still sharing intimate details of your life. I still think this is inappropriate. Somewhere along the way, somebody is going to develop romantic feelings for the other. In my opinion it just works that way. Is your future partner going to be fine with you sharing personal details with the opposite sex??? Huge amount of trust would be needed, and even more than normal, right? Say, you're married and having a few problems, who do you run to and pour your heart out to? This other sex friend, which would lead to causing more problems with your spouse. I aim to stay away from that.

Also God's word give some examples of friendships. Not once do you find in the Bible (well, to my knowledge anyway) close friendships between man and woman. Woman and woman, sure. Example, Ruth and Naomi. Man and man; David & Jonathan, Paul and Silas and so on. Oh and note Jesus never had woman as his disciples.

'Intimate friendships between men and women almost always produce confusion and frustration for at least one of the parties involved. Close friendships by their very nature tend to involve extensive time talking and hanging out one-on-one. They tend to involve a deep knowledge of the other person's hopes, desires and personality. They tend to involve the sharing of many aspects of each other's daily lives and routines. In other words, they tend to involve much of the type of intimacy and companionship involved in — and meant for — marriage.'

thoughts

1 Corinthians 5:7 Take out all the old yeast so that you will be a brand new batch of dough without yeast, which you really are.

I was thinking last night, (and the night before) for numerous hours actually. I'm beginning to wonder if thinking actually is a good thing or not. I get to a point where I realise things I shouldn't be doing and that hurts. I guess that is good though; to recognise my stupidity and to take on board the things I've learnt to mould me into becoming a better person. But then there comes the behaviour of me now that I know I shouldn't be doing certain things. That's the hard part. Where to start? Who to tell and have as accountability partners? Who not to tell? Whether to tell anybody at all? What the consequences are? Where God fits into all of it? The practicality of it all? How it's going to help or affect my future? So many questions I'm faced with.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said

That it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

- Relient K

That song kind of leads me to pondering on regrets. Have the mistakes I've made in the past 6 months be ones I should be regretting? No? After all, "Life's too short for regrets." Should I just be forgetting about them? As most the mistakes I've made have been kind of sin in a way, and God casts our sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), does that mean I should to? But when? Obviously, a process to evaluating things should come first right?

Happy Fathers Day Dad!

Happy Fathers Day DAD!!
I was looking through all my photos of me and dad before, and tongue out seems to be the trend. hehe.

I love that I can be stupid with you. I love that you can make me laugh so easily. I love that you're weird and random, but know when to be serious. I love how you challenge me to be the best that I can be. I love it how you're so enthusiastic with your work. I love it how you do so much for me when I don't deserve it. I love how you show a great picture of Jesus to me. I love that you encourage me in everything that I do. I love that you've been such an inspiration to me. Wow, writing that just made me cry. hehe. I'm going to miss you so much next year dad. I Love youuuu... very much!