My 2007 Ball:
The youth band also managed to play a huge role of my 2007 year. But it wasn’t all happy happy as some thought it was. Drama’s kicked in, people left and so HMS (His Majesty’s Service) was shrinking and shrinking, losing its focus on God, losing its unity, and most importantly losing the true meaning, to worship our Heavenly Father and Creator, God. It got more and more difficult as it went on, but I persevered it to the end of the year because I knew I was placed there for a reason. It grew my relationship with Jesus, and also my keyboarding skills. Kelley-Ann was a genius. Not even learning the piano, she taught me so much about it. I completely admire her and respect her for that. And for sticking with the band even when we were useless, mucked around, peeved her off, did nothing, she was still there. It showed me that God was definitely the centre of her life, because God’s always going to stick by us even if we stuff things up, and hurt him etc. So HMS taught me a great lot and I’m going to carry it with me forever. Big ups to Kelley-Ann! Thank you.
The youth band with a bunch of extras:
And so I continued on with my life, struggling dramatically in parts. Back to school in about March the loved 7th form head student dude left. It made things even more complicated and difficult. And furthermore, my best friend at the time, Tammlyn, also left. I felt ultra lonely at school and so much was making me wanting to leave. The huge argument Elliot and I had on Valentine’s Day which left us un-talking for a few days, nobody to talk to about stuff, the loneliness I had. But I managed to keep my head high and I did survive, finding myself some new friends, weren’t best friends, but they were friends. The 7th form shrunk and shrunk and got down to only 13 people at the end of the year. And the goal I set at the beginning of 3rd form kept me going and striving to do the best I could. I was determined to get dux so bad. I struggled to see that goal become a reality when drama hit my life in August.
But over to April, my relationship with God became suddenly different. I don’t know what caused it, but the whole perspective of my life changed. It had been on a halt the year before and I guess some of the drama and loneliness caused me to see what was really important. And that was God. I prayed an awful lot that month and decided I would take the next step in my Christian faith. So, on April 15th, I got baptised along with my sister. It was amazing and God was definitely the centre of my life at that stage. It was like a fresh start, kind of like a new year, but starting fresh in God. Now looking back it obviously was one of the best things I have done. My whole attitude changed, and I felt good about myself. I don’t know if people noticed much or any difference, but I could feel it, and still can now. Gods the man! So that was pretty much the highlight of my April month. This enthusiasm, kind of like a spiritual high soon changed and I began to struggle again.
May hit. It can’t have been that great or that terrible of a month because I don’t remember anything worth putting in. So I’ll write about my friendship with Chanelle. 2007 was a funny year for friends. But this one friend totally stood out to me. We had known each other for years. But in 2007 we became incredible close even with the 3 year age gap. Through band, then youth group, our friendship gathered itself into a best friend that I had never had. I trusted her probably more than anybody and that meant a huge lot to me. I told her pretty much everything and was awesome to have somebody that did the same back to me. I respected her a lot. And still do. The age difference didn’t seem as a problem and she was so wise. I’m ever so thankful God placed her in my life and at the perfect timing because by the time my drama hit in August, I had a best friend that was by my side 24/7.
My best friend and I:
Dont ask why the hek we put baskets on our head haha.
Dont we look just like lil 5 year olds hehe:
June came too. Mustn’t have been that exciting. So youth group will have a wee mention. Youth group to me was a huge blessing, both the studies and the activities. It made me really appreciate my Christian friends a whole heap more. We became quite a small tight young group, all with a heart after God. The people involved in organising youth group hold a huge place in my heart because they have helped me tremendously in my walk with God and that’s something really important to me. One of my goals in life is to become a youth pastor so I can reach out to youth like I have been reached out to. I realised I want to do this one day as I was in chemistry. Makes me laugh.
Anyway, July was quite a blur as well, so August it is; the most dramatic month in my life! It wasn’t easy. So here goes. My relationship with Elliot was wrong, let’s put it like that. I was constantly unhappy, but didn’t let it bother me because he was a boyfriend, and meant to make me feel secure and loved. I didn’t feel either, but continued to hold on hoping that there was hope in me finding that in him. That was pointless as I had an awesome family and friends and a creator who love me, blah blah.
I fell for Elliot, well and truly, loving him to pieces. He actually meant a huge awful lot to me, even though I didn’t mean much to him. I thought our relationship was yet the best thing ever, not realising that deep down I was upset. It was like I had finally found the guy of my dreams, except he was nothing that I wanted. I soon discovered that. I centred me life around him, which was wrong because at times that relationship with God felt mega distant and felt like there was no point in life. Struggling along, Elliot said something to me one day and I became scared that our relationship was about to end. I freaked. I rarely prayed. I got upset. I became mad. I knew that I should have constantly dug into Gods word, preparing myself for when he did end it, but no, I thought I could do it without God. A few days later Elliot txt me and did break things off after being together for a year. I cried and cried for days thinking I had lost the only person who cared about me. But throughout the relationship, I always doubted his love and his care for me. It didn’t seem real. From then on, life had never been harder. I hated him, but loved him still at the same time. And I hated, HATED that I loved him. I wished that none of this had happened. I wished I hadn’t said yes to be his girlfriend. I truly messed things ups. At about this time thoughts were running through my head whether life was even worth living. I was really messed up. It felt like somebody had cut me open, grabbed my heart, and stuck it through a shredder. I knew that things would never be the same between us even though we had decided to be friends. A few weeks later, there wasn’t a word spoken to each other. The whole friend idea dripped away. He didn’t really give a reason either as to why he broke things off, leaving me broken hearted and thoughts about self-image, self-worth and many many questions floating around my head. Was there somebody else? Wasn’t I pretty enough? Did I do something wrong? I didn’t know. I felt useless and even depressed at times. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t nice. I thought it would have been easier on me if he had died. I would have rather had him dead than for the split. A very selfish thought I know. But I was a mess. I knew the right thing to do, and that was to cling to God. But I was angry. Angry at God, angry at Elliot, and angry at myself. I couldn’t dig into God, because I partially blamed this mess on him. “Why God?” “What did I do wrong?” “Why did you let things get so out of control and end?” “Why did you make me so unhappy? I loved him” I knew none of this was God’s fault, but somebody had to be blamed right. And God seemed liked the perfect and easiest choice. Bad move! It was getting me nowhere. I wasn’t moving forward at all. I was going backwards and getting myself trapped in a cave, until it hit me. I suddenly clinged to God. I don’t know what made me make that choice, but I did, and boy did it make things easier. I found so many verses in the bible, so many songs that helped me, helped me move forward. I prayed a lot. I hated seeing Elliot though and he seemed to be everywhere; school, youth, band. I hated it. I randomly broke down, but God was there to help me. God was always there, right by my side, helping me take one step at a time. He blessed me with so many amazing things. God had placed Chanelle in my life at the perfect time. Knowing she was there meant the world to me. Knowing I could tell her exactly how I felt and get bible verses, prayer, advice and encouragement amazed me. It was good to just talk at times and let it all out. I had never ever had somebody in my life that I could do that to, and who would fully help me. Through the split, my friendship with Chanelle became even stronger and am ever so thankful to God for her. She plays a huge part of my life everyday and that definitely something that can’t be forgotten. I love my best friend to bits! Holding private jokes almost in the hundreds always gives us a laugh. And I’m serious about the 100 thing, almost. And I love it! I’m gobsmacked by her sticking by me through all my anger, hurt and frustration. She helped mould me into who I am now. God is definitely the centre of our friendship and it’s leaving me speechless just thinking about it. So many people have helped me; it’s just unbelievable, when I thought nobody cared.
At about this time, church and youth became a lot more important to me. It strengthened my relationship with God even more, stronger than it had ever been. I realised again that he should have been the centre of my life, and above anything else. And he wasn’t. I began to put that into place once again. Without God, I’m nothing. I fully realise that now. And I’d be complete mess if he hadn’t been there. His word has become a necessity in my life, and with him helping me day by day, one step at a time.
Some of the youth at my Japanese friends farewell:
The split happened for a reason. I’m ultra thankful it did now. I’m happier than I’ve even been. My relationships with people have differed. I may have lost one, but what I have now is far better than anything. So I’ve come through my angry, depressed, silly thinking state and it’s awesome. I know I still have a bit to work through, but I have God to help me now! It means the world to me. I know that one day God will place the right guy in my path and sweep me off my feet. Yay.
In about October, my brother, Hamish made the decision to get baptised. This really blessed me knowing that my brother was growing in the Lord. Perfect timing because not long after, my brother and his girlfriend broke up. This brought back many memories and had upset me for quite some time, because of two reasons. 1, I wasn’t fully over Elliot and it made me realise how much it hurt. And 2, I knew exactly what my brother was going through. And it hurt me knowing he was upset. But there was a good thing through that also. My brother had developed a best friend, Sam. It thinks it’s neat because they both needed a good Christian friend in their life. And also my brother and I have become a lot closer. Praise the Lord. Romans 8:28 “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, those who are called according to His purpose.” Amen to that!
My bro and I:
The time came at school where I had to sit my NCEA exams. My study was pathetic because it was around the time of the drama. I knew that goal in my mind of getting Dux was just washed down the toilet. I couldn’t concentrate on my study, I was too upset. And memories kept flooding my mind and questions about what happened and why it ended. I still don’t know to this date. I sat my exams, and did okay. Didn’t get dux, but scored myself Proxime Accessite which was second to dux. It wasn’t the original goal, but I was glad. I felt good about myself, leaving school forever. The hard times I went through and how I grew will always be with me.
My 7th Form Prize Giving:
I also hit my 18th birthday (yes, I know, I’m old) giving me a lot more freedom in my life. Leaving school meant looking for a job. Part of me couldn’t wait to get into the work force, but the other part of me struggled because of the pain my last job caused. So I prayed, a lot! And God worked things out smoothly ..As always! I scored myself a job, with no CV or interview required. Fell perfectly in to place. And doing what I love. I’m excited as to start. God really is more than a genius.
So 2007 was a very difficult year for me. But I’ve come out better off with all that has happened. And it’s made me incredibly strong in my faith with God. He pulled me out of the pit of destruction I was in. And that’s what makes this year so awesome. God showed me what he really can do; working miracles and helping me find true happiness. And that true happiness being in him. I know there will always be struggles and hardship in my life, but I have a God of mightiness to help me through it. God played a huge part of my 2007 year and always will now. I’ve set some 2008 ambitions and I’m setting out to accomplish them all. 2008 will be the best year yet!
The Lord is close to the broken hearted and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed. Psalm 34:18
He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud. He stood me on a rock and made my feed steady. Psalm 40:2
All you who put hope in the Lord, be strong and brave. Psalm 31:24
The whole of Psalm 23. The Lord is my Shepherd. You know the verse; I don’t need to write it :]
The Lord is my light and the one who saves me. I fear no one. The Lord protects my life. I am afraid of no one. Found somewhere in the bible haha
Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? U should put my hope in God and keep praising in my Saviour and my God. Psalm 43:5
God is my refuge and strength; an ever present help in time of trouble. Psalm 46:1
Be still and know that I am Go. Psalm 46:10
But we can with God’s help. Psalm 60:12
The Lord shows his true love every day. Psalm 42:8
As a deer thirsts for water, so I thirst for you God. Psalm 42:1
I look up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
I know I’m like the biggest Psalm freak in all history. Seriously though, it’s like the best book in the bible.
So give yourselves completely to God. Stand against the devil, and the devil will run from you. Come near to God and God will come near to you. James 4:7-8
My brother’s and sister’s, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. James 1:2-3
Names changed to protect identity.
