I was talking to my friend last night and he planted an idea in my head, not that he knows, but it made me want to finally write out my testimony. So below is the shortened version. I’m too lazy to type it all up hehe. I guess that will come next year when I have to do it, seeing as it will be compulsory type thing! :)
I was born on 13 November 1989 (I just made it to be an 80’s kid!) into a lovely Christian family. For starters, my parents are amazing. I honestly couldn’t ask for better parents, or a better childhood for that matter. Very blessed! My birth wasn’t the most simple birth in the world. In fact, it was kinda complicated. I was born with a tumor. I would tell you what it is right now, but I don’t even know how to pronounce it, let alone try and type it. It starts with an S though, I know that much. Obviously, I don’t remember a single thing, but I know that I was in hospital for quite a while. Had operations and stuff, and people weren’t allowed to hold me as a baby. Then there was something to do with having a twin that didn’t form properly or something. Kinda wondering if I will meet my twin in heaven one day! :) (Also, I hear twins are hereditary. Whether that’s true or not don’t know. Though my grandfather is a twin, be cool to have twins of my own when I have children. Who knows.)
I grew up going to Church most Sundays, and then at the end of age 4, I starting going to a Christian School in the small town we lived in. I loved that school. Best school in the world in my opinion! Such a tight knit group, and I learnt so much. Not just educational maths and stuff, but like faith stuff as well. It was awesome. I became a Christian as a child, don’t really remember the exact age though. But as a child, I struggled with appearance due to the scarring my operation as a baby had left me with. It was kinda hard.
Skip forward like 8 years, and I’m now in high school! Out of my comfort zone, where I was no longer in the gentle nature of a Christian school. People didn’t like me for no reason, and I’ve noticed that that happens with everybody through life. Sucks really. In highschool I began to struggle more with my appearance than I ever did as a child. And getting called ugly and all these other things didn’t exactly make it any easier on me. Even one of my best friends said it to me. I hated the way that God had made me, and after all the things that people said to me, I used to look in the mirror, and I began to believe what they said was true, regardless of what it says in the Bible about being fearfully and wonderfully made. Right through high school, I never ever talked to anybody about my struggles, (I had a real thing with trust and didn’t trust anybody) and I later learnt that was a huge mistake, because I kept it bottled in for years.
Skip forward a few more years, and I was 16. And I went out with this guy. He was a Christian, but he did a lot of things that I didn’t agree with, and it resulted in me backsliding a LOT! The longer I was with him, the more I backslid, and the more I decided that I didn’t want Jesus in my life. I still went to Church and Youth group and stuff, but it felt pointless. I didn’t want to be there. I was kinda sweet with it though, because for the first time in my life, I felt like I was beautiful or something different. A guy that ‘loved’ me for who I was, but I was empty. I was unhappy. This guy didn’t treat me right at all and I hated that, but still, he was one of the people I cared for the most. I didn’t want to break up with him because he made me feel beautiful, not that he ever told me or anything. I just did.
Through this relationship, a few of my friends decided that they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, because they didn’t like the guy. So much to my disgust, off they trotted. I always thought friends were meant to be there through the good and the bad. I was kind of hurt by that, but hey. After a year of being with him, he txt me after school one day, and dumped me. No reason given, then said some really horrible things to me, that still to this day I remember vividly. I cried myself to sleep for months on end, and had never felt so hideous in my life. From then on, I cut myself off from guys. The stuff he had said to me really really hurt, so I didn’t want anything to do with them after the horrible things so many of them had said to me. I thought they were all the same. This part of my life was the hardest part. I hated my life, and didn’t want to be alive. I thought nobody cared about me, I hated school because I had little friends (it was a tiny school as it was). I got along with everybody, but wouldn’t really call them friends, but eventually through this those friends that left me, decided they would come back (even though they weren’t even friends with each other anymore) but I had them back as friends anyway! :) Werhoo.
After a while though, I began to get my life back on track with God. I realised I needed Him. I was sick of being so down in the dumps everyday struggling without any sort of real hope. I wasn’t the same happy person I used to be. I was wasting my life away with things that weren’t important. It didn’t stop being a struggle though but if it wasn’t for Jesus, I don’t even know if I would be here right now. So I’m thankful. God never stopped loving me in that time though. A few months before my ex broke up with me, he put somebody else in my life. A friend. A friend that was different to my other friends. I friend I could actually trust. And a friend whose faith was strong! She was somebody I had known my entire life, but became close to at the perfect time. And I believe that was God’s hand on the situation because she helped me through that break up like no other. She let me open up to her, which I needed to do and told me the things that nobody else would dare tell me. I love you Davidda!! :) I moved forward every day after that, and thankful that God has taught me so so much through that experience. I also learnt that not all guys are complete scum, so I eventually got over that little escapade, and became friends with guys again.Back to appearance though. That still bothered me. I still struggled with it. The words people had said frustrated me and they played over in my mind as I saw those scars every day. I still struggle with it every now and then when people say stuff to me, but I’ve recently accepted that those scars make me who I am (took about 18 years to get to that point, but hey!) And though I have to keep reminding myself this every single day, I am Gods. I was made in His image, scars and all! :)
And this is about where I am up to in my life right now. God has shaped me into the person I am now, and I try to become more like Jesus everyday. He’s blessed me with a lot and I’m extremely thankful for everything He has done.
Yes, I woke up on Saturday morning and spontaneously decided to go back to my old colour that I had March last year or whatever. I had the hair dye sitting in my wardrobe for the past 11 months or so.. so thought I would use it. Still not entirely sure if I like it or not. Time will tell I guess. One lady didn't even recognise me at church yesterday. Thought that was pretty funny haha. And I got asked today who the boy was. I'm sitting there thinking "whaaatttt??!!" hehe. Then I clicked. But that was a load of bullocks. Though I have once changed my hair colour because of a guy I liked. He was an emo, so I died it dark. But I was a silly little girl back then. Haha. I just felt like change, that's all. hehe. And change I got.